are u listening-- i hope u will

Every day with a smile,
im not hiding anything,
ive moved past a lot,
and ive accomplished a ton,
but some things...
just havent changed,
some mistakes...
havent gone away,
maybe it takes more time.

sometimes i wonder if i had a better half,
would they keep me grounded?
keep me from my cycles repeating,
over and over...
but when i go out at night,
all they become is numbers,
all i see them as...
digits, entered in.

sometimes i wonder if i had more things,
would it fix anything?
no, i get more things and i still dont feel quite...
whole.
but no matter, something else is the problem..

maybe i have too much.
maybe the numbers and the quick
easy to forget occurances,
are what i need.
maybe the things,
the random objects i acquire,
a watch, a car, shoes..
are what i need.
maybe the unfulfilled feeling,
is just that I have nothing to hunt.

but i hate when i go to bed at night...
i miss having tons of problems to ponder.
i miss the pain, the anguish,
of being young and stupid.
i miss it all.
the better things get...
the more i wish i could just go back,
to the times i hated.