lose someone..

When you lose someone you cared about
You don't know what to do but sit around and pout
And when someone asks you "are you okay" you say your fine but all you wanna do it shout.
You just keep telling yourself that you’re strong
Even though you know you’re wrong
So know you sit here wondering where you belong
You make it look easy with your grin
But underneath all the skin
Is where all your emotions are hidden
You think that their forbidden to show
Is it easy to just leave it there and just grow?
NO!
See at first it’s easy
Then it gets harder
It’s like holding an empty glass
Starts to fill up fast
Sooner or later it gets harder to hold
And sometimes you just have to let go
I understand that it’s hard
To let down your guard
But just go to your real friends
Cause they actually try to make all the hurtin’ end
I know what I’m sayin’ cause I’ve been down this road before
Cause you see; I lost someone I cared about in war
It’s part of life
Which we all know aint fair
Even though we can’t see their face
Just know that they’re in a better place

love..

Love is a strong word
The opposite of hate
Love is the answer to why you go through gates
Love can hurt you
Love can feel good
Love is something that can't be understood
Love is a privilege
That you can take
You can deal with the problems
Or just walk away
Love is like a fairytale
Love is like a diamond ring
It shines through your heart
And deletes the foolish things...

Immortal- evanesence

I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my fears
And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here and it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

You used to captivate me by your resonating light
Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me, me, me

Talking To The Moon

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away
I want you back
I want you back
My neighbors think
I'm crazy
But they don't understand
You're all I have
You're all I have

Chorus:

At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself

Talking to the Moon
Try to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I'm feeling like I'm famous
The talk of the town
They say
I've gone mad
Yeah
I've gone mad
But they don't know
what I know

Cause when the
sun goes down
someone's talking back
They're talking back

Chorus:
At night when the stars
light up my room
I sit by myself
Talking to the Moon
Try to get to You
In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

Do you ever hear me calling?
Cause every night
I'm talking to the moon
Still trying to get to you

In hopes you're on
the other side
Talking to me too
Or am I a fool
who sits alone
Talking to the moon

I know you're somewhere out there
Somewhere far away

"I'll Die"

We are who we choose to be. I’m responsible for me.

If I stay right here,
I’ll die inside.
Ran out of tears,
I can barely get by.
It’s fair to say,
That we tried.
You know I wanna stay,
If I do, I’ll die.

chorus:
Coulda been another one of those,
Coulda made it,
Shoulda made it,
Woulda made it,
Had I gave it,
Just a little bit more of my time.
Just a little focus,
Coulda broke this,
Woulda woke this,
Shoulda choked this,
Had I chose bliss I’dve left this infatuation,
Far behind,
I’ll exchange my mind,
No more wasting time,
This process is mine,
In Your eyes,
My reflection is blind,
In your arms I decide,
This is our last night,
Goodbye.
(Goodbye)
I have to leave you.
(Goodbye)
I have to be true.
(So long for you and I.)

Been a addicted,
To the burden of the gifted,
To the sermon of the shifted,
Always praying to be lifted.
Always settling,
Never bettering.
How’m I gonna win,
If I’m not listening.
Always asking for
Never noticing,
Every move I make,
This game’s reacting in,
Perfect symmetry,
I’m my destiny,
Must invest in me,
Or I’m just gonna be,
Victim of circumstance,
All is left to chance,
How can I enhance?
I’m afraid to dance.
I must break this trance,
‘Cause it’s deafening,
So I’m breathing in.
I’m breathing in.
Breath to get control of me.
I have to breath.
I have to be.

If I stay right here,
I’ll die inside.
Ran out of tears,
I can barely get by.
It’s fair to say,
That we tried.
You know I wanna stay,
If I do, I’ll die.

chorus:
What’s the use of living here,
If I don’t feel alive?
Denied mistakes,
So much I’ve done.
So much to cry.
I cry.

If I stay right here,
I’ll die inside.
Ran out of tears,
I can barely get by.
It’s fair to say,
That we tried.
You know I wanna stay,
If I do, I’ll die.

------<>------

Dear ,
I almost wish you would f*** this up
so that I could rely on self-pity again
how it says "everyone will leave and hurt
but I never will, I will always stay"
it sits on my shoulder like a green goblin
makes me want to ruin my chances
I have no chances
because I deny their existence
it's a lot easier to hate and condemn yourself
than have this childish faith for hope
I push my loved ones away
cus I believe they're better off without me
I even wish they'd realize it themselves
and save me from the trouble
I want to forget people who've hurt me
but I'm too kind for that
so my mind is boiling with bitter and hatred
I'm no good for nobody
yet nobody is good enough for me
and my agony
because it's too hard to understand
I can't even understand it myself
the harder I try, the more frightened I become
you would be scared too
if you realized yourself, how fucked up you truly are
Pride prevents me from seeking help
and the love and hate I feel
towards myself, stronger than towards others
everything still belongs to me
though nothing really does
I can't control what I really want
I avoid my friends I no longer have
I hate my ex-lovers who want to be friends
nobody can see
that I only live for
self-deception
I live for something
that will kill me in the end,

Yours Truly,

INdEr 

my greif

So today I opened up an album
Scanned the worn pages, flipped them one by one
Discarded pictures I haven’t seen in ages
Warm faces in places around the country
Soon I stopped looking, somehow I found her
I raised the picture up from its crypt
Blew a whistle, saluted the brunette chick
Vermillion lips, and great bone structure
She was short but her heart compensated
Pic’s good, but her fixed stare complicates it
Features whiter than feathers of a dove
Her bold blue eyes are a fragile reservoir
That leak slowly like bad pipes that drip in sinks
As I search her pupils for a response
The only answer I receive is silence
Feelings come back like women to abusers
Emotions flood the entrance of my chest
Submerging my organs to there last breath
When I see her I think of Nostalgia
The memory is grim but she isn’t death
I don’t feel bad I just feel the regret