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Dear ,
I almost wish you would f*** this up
so that I could rely on self-pity again
how it says "everyone will leave and hurt
but I never will, I will always stay"
it sits on my shoulder like a green goblin
makes me want to ruin my chances
I have no chances
because I deny their existence
it's a lot easier to hate and condemn yourself
than have this childish faith for hope
I push my loved ones away
cus I believe they're better off without me
I even wish they'd realize it themselves
and save me from the trouble
I want to forget people who've hurt me
but I'm too kind for that
so my mind is boiling with bitter and hatred
I'm no good for nobody
yet nobody is good enough for me
and my agony
because it's too hard to understand
I can't even understand it myself
the harder I try, the more frightened I become
you would be scared too
if you realized yourself, how fucked up you truly are
Pride prevents me from seeking help
and the love and hate I feel
towards myself, stronger than towards others
everything still belongs to me
though nothing really does
I can't control what I really want
I avoid my friends I no longer have
I hate my ex-lovers who want to be friends
nobody can see
that I only live for
self-deception
I live for something
that will kill me in the end,

Yours Truly,

INdEr