these words written today!

I am lost no longer knowing where to go

as time quickly slips away day by day

realizing I never actually had any control

even the angels on my shoulder where ready to betray

they stabbed me in the back for the price of my soul

as the devel watched and eagerly awaited his pay

the pain of death is such a heavy toll

but it couldnt keep me from writing these words today

final good bye!!!

I look down at my lap I wonder if they'll miss me
I set it on the table And take another shot of Wiskey
Its calm in the house they're all still in bed
Time to writie the good-bye note Off the top of my head:

Dear Family,
I wont get in your way.
You'll never have to hear again,
The bullshit I have to say

Dad, I tryed to make you proud
And be a son to you
I tryed to be a man so young
But what did you want me to do?
Mom, I'm sorry
But you were never there
I know you love me mom
But it seemed like you didn't care
Im tired of the bullshit
You ditch and complain
And I listen when you do
In hopes you'll do the same
But it never happened
So I carry all the weight
I guess this is good-bye
Maybe its my fate.

I quick sign of my name
A thought of the beatings
And the lies I know are true
I hear the cab pull up
And the drive gives a beep
I grab the train ticket
And hop in the back seat
As the cab pulls away
I only shed a tear
I can't tell them where I'm going
But I'll call them when I'm there

In a silent house
On an empty street
A mother awakes in bed
The morning there to meet
As she makes breakfast
She turns on the news
Finds the note on the table
And hopes it isn't true
But the sad part of the story
Is on the TV live
They report a Train derail,
Where no ones found alive

M confused

Looking ahead through the sands of time i see nothing
only hopeless dreams and wasted talent awaited by death
i wrote these words and kept them hidden away
did not strive for what i always wished to achieve
let smoke cloud the image of the dream i use to have
the pen in my hand fell to the pad that is now covered in dust
it was all left up to me all i had to do was try
now i am left with the regrets of what would've been
thinking at least tomorrow will be better then today
but as long as my thoughts were gone this could never be true
so now the pad is no longer covered with dust but with words again
as my future looks much better as long as I'm holding a pen

why i WriTe

words, full of meaning
words, that i mean each
and every one of them
stuggle to come out!

emotions, plenty of them
neatly bottled up inside;
words for each occasion;
words for each emotion!

struggling to come out,
causing a huge traffic jam
inside my mind
leaving my heart with no peace!

a stream of words
rushed out from my heart;
bottled up inside,
they queued up!

queued up inside my mind
causing more chaos and
adding to the bottleneck inside
i struggle to find a way!

i struggle to find a way
to let you know what my heart says;
i struggle to pen words
to my emotions!

struggling each and every minute
i try to find a reason behind all this
i strive to find an answer –
when i am struggling to express myself to you,
what’s the reason that forces me to write?

DAMn

Pacing incessantly...mind seeking ease...
but no release pending...
Im trailing behind my mind,
unable to find...rest,
spinning surrounding and speaking,,
but no one here knows me,
they all say my name,
but no one here knows me,
and yet I know everyone here,

Just one look at them,

and theyre revealed,

for what they truly are...

the ugly faces are their mask,

and the beauty is what they hide,

and this truly is,

the reason for our struggle,

the reason for our pain.

....DuAL lifE...

Hey I got a secret to tell you
Promise you won’t tell anyone?
I’m not who I appear to be
You see I lead a double life
You may perceive me as slothful
You may assume I’m unproductive
You may think I procrastinate too much
But your speculations are way off.

I am not an underachiever
I’m a believer in work before play
I’m not a cheater I have morals
I study for myself not for you
My grades are higher than my old mind state.

I have a job I don’t need your wealth
I’m not fragile I don’t need your help
It’s not that I’m stubborn or ungrateful
But I can’t live this lie anymore
Mother I’m not a child, I’m a man